forever. thats the whole point.

Tue, 15 Jul 2008 03:29:32 GMT

and yet again, i spilled my guts.
my heart screamed.
who knows, who knows.
as always.

kiss me like the antidote is under my tongue

Thu, 24 May 2007 07:13:40 GMT

so. yet again i'm still alive.
i've gotten over a lot of things.
still drinking still waking up
hungover, but the pointlessness of
it all has become something i just
don't dwell on anymore. i'm enjoying
my life, right?
missing people will never disappear.
but i've filled the void with some old friends and
amazing coworkers who have become
my best friends...
rachelle - the big sister i never had.
i take care of her kids sometimes. i
love her and them. we carparty. we see
movies we have heart to heart talks.
we drink coffee and smoke tons and tons
of cigarettes. we talk about what we're missing
and how to fix it. we are pretty much the
same person, which is oddly comforting.

froggy - the goofiest, sometimes angriest person
i know. we listen to punk music and drink alot.
hes really into ambrosia. and it makes me happy
for the both of them.

kat - no matter what whenever i really really need
someone there she is. with a chick flick and a
shoulder to cry on. she's been through a lot lately
and i respect the fact that she still carries on
head held high.

dave - mouthy drunk fucker. but one of the people
i've counted on lately. when we're both drunk and
crying about something. mainly relationships.
we've been through a lot of the same shit, went
to the same high school, had the same problems.

kyle - my best friend basically. when i need him hes
there and when i'm busy he understands. we'll always be
friends, and i'll never let him decide hes too cool
for me, lets be real if anything i'm too cool for him.
haha.

ambrosia - she just came back to town and is already seeing
one of my best friends. heh. i love that moving back hasn't
gotten her down and that we still are the worst drunks in manitowoc
county.

time for me to get back to the party.
just letting you all know i'm still okay.

thats right bitches

Sat, 02 Sep 2006 19:31:49 GMT

Which Will & Grace character are you?

Oh honey... you're Karen! But of course, you knew that all along didn't you? You just wanted to waste some time in the office by taking this quiz, before your next catalogue arrives anyway. Who care's if you've got everything in it already? It's nice to see what everyone else doesn't have! In the words of Will: "Karen, if hell ever needs an abassador..." You go girl!
Take this quiz!

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Sat, 02 Sep 2006 18:58:53 GMT

_{so on top of losing all my friends. except
for a select few. my maybe boyfriend has
become my not at all boyfriend. and i deleted
his number from my phone and i don't want
to see him ever again. this week is gonna be
rough. <3}

sympathy for the martyr

Sat, 15 Apr 2006 01:35:06 GMT

_{and the situations seem to worsen.
and i try my best to repress but all
that happens is i burst into tears in the
middle of public places. and i'm so afraid
of losing someone that i rely heavily on,
and i'm pretty sure hes not so afraid. because
what would he lose if he didn't have me?
nothing. and emotional, cynical, green eyed
monster, who can't control her temper in the
back of a speeding car. and everyone thinks that
i'm losing it, and i can't explain that i'm not,
its just something else. something bigger than
any of us, or our trivial problems, that seemed
to just get bigger with it. and i let all my friends
slip away, or i pushed them away, i'm not sure.
what am i left with, this shell of a person who
stopped eating and can't stop smoking or drinking
or crying and the boy that shes slowly letting herself
fall in love with, whos wonderful, but not wonderful for
her. why does she do this to herself? glutton for
punishment with a side of martyr complex.}

Sat, 18 Mar 2006 08:35:41 GMT

_{omg, i'm super drunk. i 'm in milwaukee
and its cool and oh man, this is fun.
i called up raleigh for a bootycall and hes
busy tonight, so tomorrow i will get mine.
ahahahahha. yes. anyway, i miss everyone and
i wish you were here. i love you all.}

take a long walk off of the shortest pier you can find

Tue, 21 Feb 2006 01:08:12 GMT

_{kind of forgot that this existed.
just thought i'd update for steph
mainly, since we don't talk anymore.
joshua might come to nc with me this
summer, so that would be kick ass wouldn't
it? still boyfriendless, but whats new
about that? now i'm mildly hung up on a
boy who wants nothing to do with me when
it comes to a relationship. i'm not his
type or something. and by that i mean i weigh
over 100 lbs and have red hair. this time, the
whole whatamidoingwrong thing never kicked in.
its not me, its him. has to be. oh, who am i
kidding. <3.}

Sat, 29 Oct 2005 09:07:09 GMT

_{so i am not the queen of drama.
but damn there was a lot of drama
here tonight. but thats alright because
i love all my friends and i can i don't
want to say handle, their drama. its all
good. if i can help someone then awesome.
kyle's party was rockin and its still going
technically. i kissed raleigh before he left
and that makes me real happy. :) but yeah,
hes coming home for thanksgiving. and hell
yeah, that'll rock. kyle may be having a party
for that too. hell yes, kyle parties rock my
fucking face off. man, i need to stop tyhping.
bye.}

Thu, 13 Oct 2005 13:50:48 GMT

_{i skipped work yesterday
and i'm scared to go in tonight.}

Wed, 05 Oct 2005 16:40:39 GMT

_{Advanced Global Personality Test Results
Extraversion |||||||||||||||| 70%
Stability |||||||||| 36%
Orderliness |||||||||| 33%
Accommodation |||||||||||| 50%
Interdependence |||||| 30%
Intellectual |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Mystical |||||||||||||||| 70%
Artistic |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
Religious |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Hedonism |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Materialism || 10%
Narcissism |||| 16%
Adventurousness |||||||||||||||| 63%
Work ethic |||||||||||| 50%
Self absorbed |||||||||| 36%
Conflict seeking |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Need to dominate |||||||||||||| 56%

Romantic |||||||||||||||| 70%
Avoidant |||||||||||||||| 70%
Anti-authority |||||||||| 36%
Wealth |||||| 30%
Dependency |||||| 30%
Change averse |||||||||||||| 56%
Cautiousness |||||||||||||| 56%
Individuality |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Sexuality |||||||||||| 43%
Peter pan complex |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Physical security |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
Physical Fitness || 10%
Histrionic |||||||||||||| 56%
Paranoia |||||||||||||||| 70%
Vanity |||| 16%
Hypersensitivity |||||||||||||| 56%
Female cliche |||||||||||||||| 63%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Stability results were moderately low which suggests you are worrying, insecure, emotional, and anxious.

Orderliness results were moderately low which suggests you are, at times, overly flexible, improvised, and fun seeking at the expense of reliability, work ethic, and long term accomplishment.

Extraversion results were high which suggests you are overly talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting at the expense too often of developing your own individual interests and internally based identity.

trait snapshot:

craves attention, messy, open, rash, irritable, likes large parties, low self control, weird, fragile, does not like to be alone, emotionally sensitive, worrying, depressed, heart over mind, does not respect authority, dependent, not rule conscious, not good at saving money, more interested in relationships than intellectual pursuits, likes to fit in, very social, frequently second guesses self, phobic, suspicious, not careful, outgoing, vain, compassionate, aggressive, likes to make fun, hates to lose

damn, i suck.

and i forgot to tell everyone that
matt yanda is my gay boyfriend, and
josh got jealous. haha, i'd marry
a gay man if he'd have me, which why
would he because i'm a woman? but
anyway, i'm retarded.}

Wed, 05 Oct 2005 15:51:01 GMT

_{okay so i guess i don't have class
today??? its an essay work day and yeah,
i'm at school for no reason. and the girl
i usually get a ride home from is not here.
so i guess i'll call rick around noon and
see if he can come get me, since we're supposed
to eat lunch together anyway. i'm not looking
forward to today or tomorrow. but yeah,
i update too much.}

Wed, 21 Sep 2005 14:47:06 GMT

Your Brain's Pattern

Your mind is a firestorm - full of intensity and drama.
Your thoughts may seem scattered to you most of the time...
But they often seem strong and passionate to those around you.
You are a natural influencer. The thoughts you share are very powerful and persuading.

What Pattern Is Your Brain?

How You Are In Love

You take a while to fall in love with someone. Trust takes time.

You tend to take more than give in relationships.

You need your space and privacy. You don't like to be smothered.

You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change.

You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard.

How Are You In Love?

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart.

In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.

You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is comforting. You crave a relationship where you always feel warmth and love.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage.

In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

god i'm bored.

Tue, 20 Sep 2005 13:57:34 GMT

_{this weekend was okay, i suppose.
monday night was better. rick and i
went to a party here at silver lake.
and we hung out with laura and stephanie.
man it was a good time. and i was mos def
confused and ate a lot... you know what
that means. haha. i have an oral exam now
ahhh. i'm scared. <3.}

Sun, 18 Sep 2005 17:31:31 GMT

_{if anyone isn't mad at me
and would like to do something
today. nothing big, chill at my
house and watch movies? that
would be cool. plus, i kind of need
someone to talk to. you can call
me.681 1931. <3}

Thu, 08 Sep 2005 20:28:41 GMT

_{so kyle and i went school shopping last night.
and i bought a bunch of stuff for my art class.
and i'm incredibly tired today. breakfast this morning
with erin and then class and then try outs. ahh.
don't know if anyone is coming with me tonight. i tried
to talk josh into it. but i don't think hes up for it
all. he would be so good at it though. :( and i hope
cohl is coming with tonight, but thats iffy.
otherwise i'll see erin there. and probably many other
people that i was in laramie with and stuff.
nothing else is going on. i miss quite a few people,
suprisingly. but hey, i have tomorrow off of work and
school so i'm good to go for anything that may come up
tonight or tomorrow.}

Wed, 07 Sep 2005 16:43:29 GMT

_{auditions for dracula are today and
tomorrow!!! i'm gonna go tomorrow i think.
6:30 - 9. cohl are you coming with me???

#################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### ####################################################

Your personality type is SLUAI

You are social, moody, unstructured, accommodating, and intellectual, and may prefer a city which matches those traits.

The largest representation of your personality type can be found in the these U.S. cities: New Orleans, Albuquerque/Santa Fe, Greensboro, Memphis, Providence, Washington DC, Pittsburgh, Orlando, Salt Lake City, Portland/Salem, St. Louis and these international countries/regions Puerto Rico, Iceland, Kazakhstan, Luxembourg, Turkey, Ireland, Ukraine, England, South Africa, Greece, Wales, Brazil, Switzerland, South Korea

What Places In The World Match Your Personality?
City Reviews at CityCulture.org

9}

Wed, 07 Sep 2005 16:29:52 GMT

_{i only have one class today. and
um, it ended like an hour early. so
now i have nothing to do til 4 when
i work. so i'm gonna call mylissaface
and see if shes up or in class or what.

edit: joshua, did you die?}

Tue, 06 Sep 2005 19:39:21 GMT

_{class started today. and i'm actually
having fun! even though my schedule was alittle
effed up. ambrosia came to get me during my
2 hour break and we went shopping and i got a really
cool present for cohl. and something so early
90s it makes my hair crimp and frizz. only one more
class to go... in over an hour. damnit, one class ended
early. and then its time for school shopping with joshua.
that is, if he's still up for it. i have lots of art
stuff to get. you here me??? art stuff! and i like it,
and i actually want to go, and my teacher is fun. its like
the twilight zone, even though hook nose is in that class
with me, no biggie, hes not a bad kid i suppose.
oh and i made friends with this girl who reminds me of
abbz. and she wants me to move in with her because she
hates one of her roommates. so i thought as consolation i'd
invite her to hang out with some of us tonight, so yeah
i will do that as soon as i see her again, which i don't know
when i will. otherwise no news. stuck here til like 5.
tomorrow i only have my psych class in the morning and then
i'm done. but work will continue tomorrow. bleck. but i'm
hitting up the dmv tomorrow and running lots of errands.
so should be a good time. anyway, i'm off to meander around the
school more. <3.
p.s. miss you too, holly.}

Sat, 13 Aug 2005 04:24:16 GMT

_{- bridget is ____.
- I think bridget should _____.
- bridget needs ______.
- Someday bridget will ________.
- bridget reminds me of _______.
- Without bridget _______.
- My most favorite memory of bridget is ________.
- bridget can be __________.
- The worst thing about bridget is _________.

please be brutally honest. i need to fix myself
to better suit your needs. haha.

i'm sad today, does that mean you're happy?}

Sat, 23 Jul 2005 13:13:14 GMT

_{i forgot i even wrote this. it
was so long ago.

a million and one thoughts
float through my head. do
they float through yours?
sometimes i wonder if you think
of me. when you're with her.
when you touch her cool soft liquid-like skin; when you
look into her velvet, deep
sea, eyes, with the twinkle
of another galaxy in them.
when you listen to her crystalsex
voice; are you thinking
of me then? no. no. i didn't
think so. if i cried long enough would you>?
if she let one tear slide from her
tear duct you'd fall to pieces.
'i'll make you a god' she says.}

september

Wed, 20 Jul 2005 21:23:50 GMT

_{haha, so the part about controling my emotions
well, it used to be true. until i lost it. but yeah,
kind of accurate. weird.

JANUARY:
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive . Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very Stubborn and money cautious.
________________________________________________
FEBRUARY:
Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.
________________________________________________
MARCH:
Attractive personality. sexy. Affectionate Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody.
_________________________________
APRIL:
Active and dynamic. Decisive and haste but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. moving Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. sexy in a way that only their lover can see.
_________________________________
MAY:
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.
_________________________________

JUNE:
Easy to talk to. Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having lots of ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Has that someone* always on his/her mind. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Abiding. Able to show character. one guy/girl kind of person. Loveable. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. loves music. pretty/handsome. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Sensitive. Down-to-Earth. Stubborn.

_______________________________

JULY:
Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. hot. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.
_________________________________
AUGUST:
outgoing personality. takes risks. feeds on attention. no self control. kind hearted. self confident. loud and boisteroius. VERY revengeful. easy to get along with and talk to. has an "everything's peachy" attitude. loves screaming, talking and singing. loves music. daydreamer. easily distracted. loves to flirt. hates being left out. hates not being trusted. BIG imagination. loves to be loved. hates studying. in need of "that someone". longs for freedom. rebellious whe withheld or restricted. lives by "no pain no gain" caring. always a suspect. playful. mysterious. "charming" or "beautiful" to a specail person. stubborn. courious. independent. strong willed. a fighter.

_________________________________
SEPTEMBER:
Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people's mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal and always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Positive Attitude. Thinking generous. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves sports, leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic. sexy but has brains.
_________________________________
OCTOBER:
Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to takes things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly.Brave and fearless. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of to control emotions. Unpredictable. Extremely smart.
_________________________________
NOVEMBER:
Trustworthy and loyal.Very compassionate and caring.Wild at times.Knows how to have fun.Sexy and mystertious.Everyone is drwan towards your inner and outter beauty.Playful, secretive.Very emotional and takes alot to make angry.Meets new people easily.Fearless and ingependent.Can hold their own.Stands out in a crowd.Gets jealous easily.Essentially very smart
____________________________
DECEMBER:
Loyal and generous. sexy. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Changing personality}

upside down and inside out

Fri, 15 Jul 2005 03:21:11 GMT

_{wanted | the cranberries

Sitting in an armchair
With my head between my hands
I wouldn't have to feel like this
If you'd only understand
Too many misunderstandings
Causing such delay
And if it doesn't work like this
Well, I'll try another way

Oh, if this is the way you wanted it
Oh, if this is the way you wanted it
Oh, I didn't understand
Oh, I didn't understand

You know that all I wanted was
To be there by your side
And if you didn't want it
Well, you shouldn't have denied
You knew that you were someone special
Right form the start
But if you treat me badly
We'd be better off apart

so, i'm left barely holding everything
together, and you play the part of the
good guy, and i'm the villian. i've lost
the majority of my friends and keep a
reminder on my hand not to trust again.
the moral of the story: always remember
kids, hurt those around you before they
can hurt you.}

Tue, 05 Jul 2005 07:13:18 GMT

_{as usual, spending time with josh
made things a little better. tonight made
me stop thinking about things so much.
went out to wayside with ambrosia, joshua,
chelsea, corey, stiko, and phil. watched some
fireworks and ate junk food. felt a little
less sad, went with joshua and chelsea to ck
and had coffee, food, and conversation. it
was a good time. but, kyle, we do need to talk.
because you never fail to give me insight that
i've didn't see previously. maybe call me?
and tomorrow/later today should involve a
trip to the beach i think. although my swimsuit
is slutty and i don't like wearing it in front
of boys. someone give me a call. <3.}

Thu, 30 Jun 2005 18:26:49 GMT

_{i now understand why anyone would hate
airport staff. i'm not coming home today.
i was late for my flight. and by late i mean
25 minutes before depature time, but denied
the right to get on the plane. and there were
no other scheduled flights from cleveland to
milwaukee, today. so, tomorrow morning is my
flight. when the lady, calmly and without emotion
told me that i wasn't going to be going home today,
i lost it. i bit my lip so hard, but it didn't help
i just started crying. and i didn't care that people
were staring at me, or that i was probably putting
people on edge, because i haven't felt so shitty in
a long time. looking forward to coming home, is what
kept me from severe depression while i was here.
its what kept me from blowing up at my dad, it kept
me losing it. so here i am, still in raleigh and
sad as hell, missing my home and my mom and my friends
and there is not a damn thing i can do about it}

Tue, 28 Jun 2005 07:47:51 GMT

_{spent a good portion of today with paul.
went to see land of the dead. the ending pissed
me off. bought some cds. craved a slurpee and
found out there are no 7-11s around here. fuckers.
got to see james and billy, holy shit their friend
ryan is sexy. hung out with jesse, melanie, and
josh. missed home like crazy. just got to dads, and for
some reason my ear popped and won't pop back.}